To my many disorders,
This break up is not my fault it’s yours.
It’s actually not because I’m unloveable or because I got “too fat,” or because sometimes I need a little reminder to eat and some reassurance that I’m not offensive to look at. It’s not because of anything I’ve done, it’s all you. You took away yet another thing I loved.
Continue reading “No sour grapes”
I suppose I should really explain why I’ve been on somewhat of a hiatus…
I thoroughly intended to document everything. Everything, as it was happening, to show that no matter how terrible it gets, it’s still possible to come out of it.
Well I still haven’t come out of it. And I fluctuate pretty much daily between “yes, it is still possible” and “nope, not happening, not worth it, not interested.”
For weeks I was thinking how can I write about this? How do I put into words the fear and self-hatred I can feel burning at the back of my throat and stamp a positive message across it? How can I possibly write what is going through my mind-what I’m doing– knowing it confirmed my very worst fears about “getting better?” Continue reading “I’ve had a lot on my plate”
Learning to love ourselves, loving life and “staying positive…”
It’s all well and good and, of course, that’s what anyone wants; who doesn’t want to be happy? But when you feel like those things are so out of reach where do you even begin… Continue reading “Positivity, I’ve got a bone to pick with you…”
My patience is wearing particularly thin with a common self-help cliche- “Oh but that’s just the ‘anorexic voice’ telling you xyz…”
As if that little nugget of information solves everything…
Who cares who or what it is, it’s still there, alive and kicking, and it’s horrible! Continue reading “Having your cake… and eating it too”
I made a decision a few weeks ago…
I’d made similar decisions before but this felt different. I felt like I was doing it for ME. I finally had motivators and real reasons that were making me WANT to force Anorexia to eat its poisonous words. I could recite them better than the alphabet. And what’s different is, I believed them. It felt good, I felt excited.
Sounds positive doesn’t it…
Continue reading “Recovery: it’s an acquired taste.”