Not crying over spilled milk

My recent status as a single Pringle has made me realize how the process of getting over someone could be applied to “getting over” depression and eating disorders.

It sounds like I’m trivializing doesn’t it? Of course, you can’t control mind disorders- if you could you wouldn’t have bothered with them in the first place, surely? And I am not an advocate of happy-crappy self-help advice (coming soon, to a ranty blog post near you), but I think I may be onto something here. Bear with me… 

During a break up, you can’t control how the other person will be, what kind of curveballs they’ll throw and what kind of emotional strings they will pull at, right? You just have to be ready. You have to use all your mental strength and be on your own side.

Well, the same works for the depression or the ED- you can’t control its presence or its movements but you can manage how you prepare for it and you can dictate how you move away from it.

When you’ve had a break up you have no choice but to tell yourself that you are ok. You can’t sit in a corner and tell yourself the breakdown is because of all your flaws or you’d never move again. O.K, you may do a little of that but you swiftly arrive at telling yourself you’re bloody brilliant and well, clearly, it must be their loss. With the help of some Britney and Beyoncé, you force yourself to believe you’re much better off without them- as evidenced by your latest pouty Snapchat which took 500 attempts and careful filtering.

Whether you believe it or not is neither here nor there, the importance is to Just. Keep. Moving.

Even if you don’t believe it in that moment, you know you will and it’s just getting past this little teething problem.

Advice for depression is similar; keep busy, fill your time so you stay out of your head etc. I struggled so much to see how I could apply it to myself, the depression and the ED were (and still have the potential to be) so disabling-ly painful that making such an effort seemed pointless. But, going through a break-up, I’m starting to see the relevance. In the same way you can’t just sit still and cry into a bucket of Haagen Daaz while you burn his boxer shorts, you cannot stay hidden under your sheets waiting for something to change whilst in the grips of depression.

Yes, it’s hard. No, It’s not fair and naturally it’s really bloody painful. You have to trick yourself, tell yourself that you are better, you do have energy, you are a good enough person- even if you’re not convinced. They are the aims in the long term, right?

So, act it before you become it and eventually it may start to come naturally. Fake it before you make it and the former just may induce the latter.

Just like you want to prove to your ex you’re sooooo over him and like, the most fine you’ve ever been in your life, ever, everrrrr- prove it to your depression. Prove your depression wrong; you’re not miserable, you do have a reason to live! Depression is a lying little twerp who doesn’t deserve your precious time! Call it names, sing sassy independent woman songs at it and tell it that you don’t need no depression. Don’t feel like it? Great, do it anyway.

Get angry at your depression, in the same way your ego is fuming that this other person doesn’t see your worth, get really damn angry and you show depression that you know your onions.

Tell depression and your eating disorders: It’s over. You may start to convince yourself.

 

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